Sorrows won't bring tomorrows

I've been lacking on expressing my darkest feelings for such a long time now. What happened to me to make my strength disappear? What did I do for jealousy to make a monster out of me? Everywhere I turn I'm greeted with the bullshit cliches of "push forward & never give up"and its literally a pain in my ass. Can the world just pause for a minute and let me catch up with it? Im drowning in a pool of my regrets and its taking a toll on my once beautiful soul. I wish that I was a master of saying goodbye. I can't breathe with the blazing fire against my wrinkling skin. The forest of brutul honesty is such a douche. Curse the remnants of a broken heart and the splatterings of glitter that onced glistened on my cheeks to show off a proud man that could dance away under the off white moonlight. Haunted by the unseen force that keeps me locked here in this dragonless jail cell. Where is my happiness? Where is the magical moment of flying without wings? Although this poor excuse of a smile is smiling, it doesn't wrap the degrading and unjust thoughts of my screaming mind. I'm strong, I know it. I feel it. Its there, waiting for my fists of steel to rip it up and wear it proudly like a hunter and its kill. Til that long overdue time comes, I'll be here in my dragonless jail cell with an empty picture frame waiting to fill it with memories of everlasting glory. Tomorrow couldn't come any faster. Love, me.

Ramblings of a Fatty.

Alright. So many things keep changing in my life without my consent. Its really starting to piss me off and Im about to rip a baby deers heart out. From my hair growing out (which is now in the ugly stage) to the tremendous amount of applications being filled to everywhere but your mamas house, to now only owning ONE fucking pair of shoes!

Did I make a mistake? Should I have stayed on that stupid less taken path?

Its such bullshit when you wake up one day and realize that youre a full grown adult.

Responsibilty is at a whole new level for me and its making me wanna chop my butt off.

Ive always thought I was strong enough to stand up and control the colors of the wind

but it seems as if a tornado has come and blasted my ass off to Oz. You know, the Oz where you get raped in jail.

Life isnt easy, yeah I get that. But Life shouldnt make you wish to sleep forever.

I dont think putting a smile on my face is going to last any longer. Theres a rhino in my

soul and its coming out full force with that big ugly horn. Im about to have a breaking point

and I aint singing no Keri Hilson.

When I made that decision to start over and move back home, I didnt think my life would

succomb to a downfall of tears, heartache and extreme jealousy.

And if another person tells me to try harder, Im going to fuck them in the face.

I have a whole new respect for rock bottom. Its comfy with a sprinkle of self-loathing.

Im strong though. Very strong. Im a GREAT person. So why?

Why does the world have to be so damn cruel to the good guys?

Yeah, Ive made horrible mistakes in the past and Ive hurt people. But Ive owned up to them.

I gave my soul and karma kicked me in the balls.

I deserve every ounce of this damned life.

At the end of the day Im still the fat young man sitting in front of the computer.

Change is only good when you have the strength. Lesson learned.

Hopefully my outburst will trigger that flame of fire and desire that I once had.

Only time will tell.

Stand strong and never give up hope. Theres always a resting pond after the dry desert.

Oh, and for that 30 day challenge thingy that I was doing...that can go suck a cock.

I aint doin that shit no more. Or at least until I have nothing else to say.

'til next time fatties.